Something Else No One Talks About

While I joke about Xander being my second or third child, the truth of the matter is that he really is our second child.

Simon and I had always planned on getting pregnant fairly soon after getting married. My birth control pills were running out in November, and the practical side of me said, "that sounds like a great time to start trying!"

So when I was late in December, we thought, "Wow, that was fast/easy." Sure enough, I took a home test and it said we were expecting. That was a Thursday. By Sunday, I'd started spotting. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't bleeding excessively nor did I have any cramping. Of course I Googled everything under the sun....which was totally NOT helpful.

I ended up calling my OB and going in for testing. The urine test came back negative, but my blood work showed I was pregnant. So after several trips to the lab to have my blood tested, they decided it was an "unviable pregnancy." I had two options: I could let nature take its course and continue "spotting" for who knows how long, or I could have a DNC. I opted for the DNC. After almost three weeks of spotting and not knowing anything for sure, I was ready for it all to be over.

Of course, after telling a few people here and there, I realized TONS of people go through this. So why did no one ever tell me? Admittedly  on this topic, I can kinda understand. I'm sure most women feel like they don't want to 'burden' anyone with their sad news. But of course, I like to look at things differently, so I decided I was going to share my story with anyone/everyone I thought should know about it....ie, friends who might be working on baby #1 soon.

Why tell everyone, you ask? Well, I just want other women working on Baby #1 to realize they're not alone if what happens to us happens to them. Sometimes it just feels good to know you're not alone...especially for people like me....who aren't normally 'over-share-ers' with personal information. :)

Now I admit that losing a baby in the first week can not feel as terrible as when it happens much later in a pregnancy, and I don't mean to liken myself to that situation. I'm sure women like my sister and Rebecca  (click to read her blog) went through an entirely different range of emotions. But I am quite sure that my nephews, Levi, Owen and 'lil Baby Z #1 are all up in heaven together. I even imagine that my friend Angela is up there snuggling with them every single day, and that makes me smile.