Thoughts from a formula feeding, c-section having, working mom

Yup, and I chose 2 outta 3 of those!

Now that I'm done with the baby-having days of my youth, I've had some time to reflect (and laugh) on my experiences. I've also had lots of advice and unsolicited thoughts thrown my way, as I'm sure all parents experience. So I decided to take this time to throw out my own unsolicited comments to the world!

WORKING: Coming back to the office after having Xander was never really a question in my mind. I’d always worked…since I was 14 years old, I’d had a job. The one time in college when I tried NOT to have a job, I got so bored, I went out and got a job! So the thought of not working was more challenging to me than the thought of working!

I was ready to head back to the office after my time at home with both boys.  Admittedly with Zach, I’d become such a pro so quickly with him, that I could have handled an extra month or two at home – as long as Xander stayed in daycare – to do all sorts of things around the house!

I’m lucky though. I love our caregivers, and I work for a company that is super supportive of working moms/dads – they even pay for childcare if your usual caregiver can’t provide care for you any day of the year. Like I said, I’m lucky! I also have a flexible schedule, so it’s never an issue for me to come in late, leave early, take a long lunch, etc. if/when the boys need me for something. They also pay me enough to make it economically feasible for Simon and I to afford the ridiculously expensive costs of daycare.

In addition to all that, I secretly hope I'm teaching my sons a valuable lesson - it's ok for women to work, to be intelligent and to be key decision makers inside and outside the home. I know times are getting better, and I know you can teach your children this even if you don't work, but for me, working helps me make sure my boys see their mom as a strong woman who can take care of herself. I remember always thinking that about my own mom - what a strong, independent woman she was...when I grow up I want to be like her. So I want my sons to see their mom in the same light.

I also like that they see their dad doing more than mowing the lawn - though Xander does enjoy watching Simon do that. I like that Simon is an equal helper around the house, so the boys see him doing laundry, putting away the dishes, cooking, etc. And not that a dad can't (or even shouldn't) do these things if his wife doesn't work, but at our house it's not an option. Hopefully my daughters in law will thank me one day!

FORMULA FEEDING: Well, if you read this post after Xander’s arrival you’ll know I’m a fan of formula! But since I’d been diagnosed with my thyroid issue and had been on medication for a year, I was hopeful I might be able to breastfeed Zach. So when my milk actually came in (this did NOT happen with Xander), I was slightly afraid and slightly excited. My initial thought was “holy cow, this is painful!” But then I realized it was what was supposed to happen, and so I was excited that things might work out for me this time around. So I exclusively nursed Zach for the first month. I was slightly worried he wasn’t getting enough, but I told myself to wait it out until his one month check….I figured I couldn’t do too much harm to him in 4 weeks, right! And he wasn’t crying endlessly like Xander did, so I assumed he probably wasn’t starving.

At his one month check, he’d grown and gained appropriate weight, and everyone was pleased.  We did a pre-feeding and post-feeding weigh in and discovered he was only getting/eating about an ounce to an ounce and a half, which was a bit less than ideal. The LC suggested I started nursing then pumping each feeding and taking the herbs again. I wasn’t about to take myself down that road again. So I took month two to do some testing.  I’d nurse and then see if he would eat any more via bottle after finishing. I’d nurse and time how long it was until he was hungry again. And I’d give him as much as he wanted via a bottle and see how long until he was hungry again. My non-scientific tests basically showed me that he was getting a decent amount when nursing, but not quite enough. So I decided to nurse, bottle feed and pump as I felt compelled for the next month since I wasn’t working and then just be ready with the formula when I went back to work.  That seemed to work perfectly for us.

C-SECTIONS:OK, this would BE the main one I did not choose to do….well, technically I did officially choose both of them, but let's not get technically...I mean, hey I'm still alive, and I don't really consider that a choice.

After learning at around 24 weeks pregnant with Xander that I have a platypelloid pelvis – aka narrow pelvis – my doctor told me that I would probably need a c-section if Xander continued to measure larger than average in utero. But when my water broke at 39 weeks, the doctors agreed to let me give it a try even though I had a c-section scheduled for two days later! 19 hours after my water breaking, I agreed to let them take Xander out via c-section, and I have never regretted the decision once in the 21 months he’s been outside of me. As my doctor said….you just can’t change bone structure.

So when Zach was measuring average, I was optimistic about being able to try a VBAC. All my doctors were on board and willing to let me try. But then at my 36 week appointment, the kid started growing, and began matching Xander’s stats to a T. So we put the c-section on the calendar for the Monday after I hit 39 weeks. Of course, I started having serious, regular contractions two days before that! And when we arrived at the hospital at 12:30 a.m. and the team asked me if I wanted to try a VBAC. I just laughed in their faces and said, “thanks, but no thanks!”

Now, if I had average sized babies, my doctors think I could have probably done fine without c-sections, but what can you do? Can’t change bone structure and can’t change the size of your babies’ heads either!

In case you’re curious about the platypelloid pelvis…here’s an illustration (wide and shallow):

Needless to say, I'm thankful for modern technology and the invention of the C-section!

*********

So I know we've all put our foot in our mouths from time to time, but over the past almost two years I’ve started collecting awesome comments people (mostly strangers) make with regard to these issues; here are some winners - the responses I wish I'd given are beneath each one:

Working mom:

·      Some days I want to go back to work because it would just be easier.

o   Yes, because working 9 hours at a desk and then rushing to pick up your kids so you can get home and cook dinner is so much fun. And the cramming all the housework into 48 hours of the weekend makes the weekends a blast at our house.

o   OK, so usually, I just laugh at this one because I believe there are some things that are easier about working and some things that are easier about being at home….point here – keep your trap shut.

·        I just couldn’t stand to have a stranger raise my child.       

o   Yeah, me either. It’s a good thing I see my kids’ teachers more than I see my own mother and spend more time with them than I do my husband. (I mean seriously, do they think I just get in a drive-thru line and pick up the boys from a window?)

o   Oh, and have fun with home schooling.

C-Sections:

• I don't understand the need. I mean the hole is the same size.
• Lady, it doesn't matter how many cm dilated you are if your bones are oval and flat, but if you want to go ahead, feel free.
• I just feel like the medical community is pushing C-sections on everyone nowadays.
• Hmm, not in my actual experience of having children. They encouraged me to forego my planned C-sections both times my body went into labor on its own. Maybe it's just your doctor - oh wait, we actually see the same doctors and deliver at the same hospital. Oh wait, no one has actually tried to get YOU to have a C-section. Oh, OK.
• I'm afraid of a C-section because everyone I know who's had one has this little pooch in their belly afterward.
• Huh, that's odd because I actually feel like they put me back together a little tighter than I was before the baby. Or maybe it's because you saw these women THREE DAYS after they gave birth....idiot!

Formula Feeding:

• You just need to try harder/drink dark beer/eat more fat.
• Um you need to try harder/drink more dark beer/eat more fat.
• I mean, why would you feed your baby rat poop?
• I know. I'd much rather let my baby die.

    

Time Flies....Back to Work

SO many things to write about since last posting.

 Zach is doing quite well. My last post was just before his one month check up. At that point he was 9 pounds and some change. The only specifics I remember from the visit are that his weight was in the 50^th percentile; height in the 75^th and head in the 95^th. I was initially worried about his weight…since Xander was such a chunker, I was convinced Zach would be too. But the doctor reminded me that at as long as he’s got that nice roll on his thigh, he’s probably juuussst fine. However, we did discover at that visit that even though I was producing significantly more milk than I ever did with Xander, it still wasn’t quite enough to fully feed Zach. So I started supplementing with formula after this.

 

 

In April, I had both boys at home with me for a week. Long story, but basically Xander was transitioning between daycares and hung out with me and Zach for a few days. I was shocked at how well I handled it! I think the thought of it was scarier than the actuality of it. I just kept telling myself, “Allison, people choose to do this day after day; get over yourself.” And I did.

 

we spent a lot of time that week at various parks around town

We had our first big family outing in the minivan – to a family reunion in South Carolina. Both boys slept the majority of the 3-hour trip there, so we had no complaints. Xander slept about half of the way back and only got completely ornery with about 30 minutes left to go.

We kinda skimmed over Easter this year for the boys. We figured giving ourselves one more year of parental freedom from holiday creatures would be good for us. Xander did participate (sorta) in an Easter egg hunt at our friends’ church, which I think he enjoyed.

 

 

In May, we had visitors from Detroit who spoiled both boys rotten. Then Mamina arrived to carry on the spoiling of the boys for another week. We took her to the beach to visit my mom and celebrate Mother’s Day. Zach spent his time at the actual beach in his car seat, but I’m sure he had a blast. Xander, of course dove right into the ocean despite the freezing temperature of the water.

 

 

I went back to work May 19. It was significantly easier to head back this time around. Because I already knew Zach’s care takers quite well, I had no fears or worries about him throughout the day. Then, my team at work threw me a party and made me go home early on Monday, so I was able to ease in gently.

Don’t get me wrong – I have moments here and there where I start dreaming about what I’d be doing with the boys right now if I weren’t working. But then I realize the fun of the activity I’m thinking I could be doing with the boys right this second would last one hour max and then I’d miss my coworkers and the work I do!

 

 

Three months later...

Well, it's been a while since my last post! Between the holidays and, oh yeah, having a baby, I've been a little distracted! I just re-read my last post and laughed out loud as I read "this baby is smaller" than Xander! Haha!

Well, he was smaller. From my 34 week to my 36 week prenatal appointment, I swear he grew 5 pounds! Even my doctor was shocked at how much bigger he'd gotten over two short weeks. She was mid-sentence with "he should be about 5 pounds now" when she actually looked at my belly and started laughing and said, "well, maybe more like 6 pounds!"

So as you probably can guess, Zachary Adil Zora has arrived. Not to be outdone by his big brother, Zachary was also scheduled to arrive via c-section on Monday (2/24) but decided to show up Saturday (2/22)...not that I minded. When Simon and I started watching Downton Abbey Friday evening, I thought, "hmm, these contractions are pretty regular." But I got so into the 2-hour season finale, that I didn't really pay much attention to myself. It wasn't until I tried to go to bed that I realized the contractions were pretty regular and only about 3-4 minutes apart! Oops!

But being the practical person I am, I knew I didn't want to go to the hospital Friday night. I'd eaten dinner at 6:30 and my OB stressed to me that they would not give me c-section anesthesia until 8 hours after I'd eaten my last food. And on top of that, I didn't want to check in at 11:45 p.m. and get 'charged' one of my insurance covered nights for a mere 15 minutes. So I waited until 11 and then called the doctor, who told me to come on in to the hospital.

We arrived around 12:30, and Zach was born at 2:33 a.m.....yup, we wasted no time. As soon as the doctor saw his head, he looked over the curtain and told me I'd made the right decision in having another c-section. I thought to myself, "Oh goodness, how big is this one going to be!?" But he ended up being the same as Xander. The OR staff had just delivered twins, so I think they're perspective on size was a bit off that night. I mean, 8 pounds, 6 oz, is no small potato, but they were making it seem like he was 10+ pounds as they were cleaning him up! :)

Anywho - he was nice and healthy, and we ended up going home a day early anyway, so I would have been fine checking in Friday after all. Oh well, we wouldn't have had the cool 2/22 birthday though!

And yes, I think he looks like Xander....below on the left is Xander and the right is Zachary.

 



So far Xander seems to enjoy his little brother. He makes a squeaking sound and points to him every now and then.

Simon was home with me for the first two weeks, which was incredibly awesome. I'm in week 2 of flying solo, and man are things simpler the second time around? I'm even dealing with getting Xander up and ready and out the door in the mornings, and I feel like it's going easier this time around! I'm sure it's just all about my perspective now.

That's the latest. Zach has his 1 month visit Monday, and I'm curious to see how big he is getting.

Not sure how much I'll be updating this blog anymore, but I will continue to post any updates via Facebook too so that everyone can keep up if interested when I do post something.