Thoughts on Feeding

Now that I'm almost 4 months into this whole full-time mom thing, I finally feel ready to explain one aspect of my birth experience that no book, website, friend, etc talked about: Low milk production.

My simple advice on this: trust your instincts. People tell you this all the time...about all sorts of things....but I found it to be a really good measure of what was right for me during this time.

So from the time we got home with Xander, he was a cranky, crying baby. I had resigned myself to the fact that I had the infamous "colicy" baby. I remember waking up from naps during the day to find Simon downstairs with my  hair dryer creating white noise so that Xander would remain calm. (it worked like a charm).

Obviously this isn't Xander, but we did put him on top of the dryer once!

We went to our first lactation visit, and she told us we were doing great. She also told me to get some cabbage leaves at the house because my milk should be coming in any day now, and I should be prepared! So after a couple of days of NOT needing cabbage leaves, I began to wonder what was up. Then after over a week of no real "mustardy-seedy" poop from our lil man, I knew something wasn't right. My instincts said it was me since I'd not felt "full" ever. So we took him back to the doctor only to find he'd lost more than 10 percent of his birth weight....cause for concern!

The lactation consultant's solution for me was to nurse more, pump in between and take some herbs that make you smell like syrup. So, of course, I did that, which took up my entire life. By the time you're done nursing and pumping, it's time to start it all over again. I also heard/read all kinds of theories on other things I could do...from drinking beer to eating more fat. While those sound like fun in general, the thought of being drunk and fat wasn't really appealing...but of course I tried. Still nothing. So heaven forbid....we started supplementing, and wouldn't you know it...Xander wasn't colicy...he was HUNGRY. So after three months of constant nursing, pumping, crying and not sleeping, Xander is now a totally formula fed baby....and totally happy.

 

Does this look like an unhealthily/unhappy baby to you?

 

After visiting my general MD for my annual exam, we discovered I have low thyroid, for which I am now taking medication. Evidently only 4% of nursing moms have this, but it would have been nice if someone in the OB office or the pediatrician's office might have suggested I have this checked after every other attempt at getting more milk failed me.

And let me tell you....I got plenty of condemning looks/comments from people during this whole process....the kind of look/comment that says, "Oh, I'm not judging you, but clearly you're not trying hard enough." or "Oh my, you're giving your baby formula. I'm so sorry for your loss." Usually my response was simply, "I was a formula fed baby, as was my husband, and we were perfectly healthy babies. And no, we don't think our mothers hated us either." Sometimes I almost got to the point of whipping out educational degrees, salaries and SAT scores to prove to people that even in the 70s, formula was pretty darn effective. As one of my friends who went through a similar situation said, "It's formula people, not poison!"

I feel like the "pro-baby" movement kinda got in the way of me being able to find out other, physiological things that might be causing me to have low production. You have to do some very specific Google searching to find anything about low thyroid and milk production. While initially I was very excited and pleased when I heard about how "baby friendly" my hospital and OB practice was, I feel they let me down a bit. They seemed ready to do everything in their power to help me exclusively breastfeed for the first 12 months, and I was ready, so I thought, with loads of information on how to make this work...even after going back to work. Now I wish they would/could have shared a little more "just in case" type of information with us.

After sharing my experience with a couple of friends/coworkers, I have discovered that I am not the only one out there who struggled with finding new/other information about feeding. Several people have now told me that they went through the whole nursing, pumping, crying fiasco I went through only to never find an answer to their struggle and basically not sleep for several months of their child's life, which can't be good for anyone. Why does no one talk about this? Ladies, speak up....share your experiences. Don't be ashamed to say you had to give your baby formula even though you know "breast is best." Maybe your story can help someone like me not feel like an utter failure. I hope by me sharing this here, someone will feel better about her experience or perhaps share my experience with a woman she knows who is struggling.

Back to Work....13 weeks update

Well, I've got one week back at work under my belt, and I must admit....it wasn't that bad! We did two "test" days at daycare the week before last so I could ease myself into being away from XYZ. I'm usually a 'rip the Band Aid' off kind of gal, but for some reason, I was feeling kinda anxious about this one. So when the daycare director told me plenty of moms do a trial run the week before, I decided to take her up on the offer. The Wednesday before, I brought him in and sat with him in his room. I talked with his 'teacher' and just observed the way the room ran for an hour or so. Then the next day, Simon and I brought him in together and dropped him off. I ran across the street for a run at the gym when Simon when to work. Then I was able to go home and shower all by myself. It was totally weird to take a shower and not feel rushed or have one ear smashed against the glass wall. Of course when I went to pick him up 3 hours later.....he was napping. He didn't even notice I was gone!

And here is what I found when I went in to check on him over my lunch on his first day there full time: 

Again...he barely noticed I was even there to say hello! He did give me a smile, but he kept that bottle in his mouth the whole time!

I did remember to capture the morning too....here he is on his first morning getting ready to go to school:

So now Simon and I have to fight for snuggle time on the weekends. We did attempt a family picture recently...Lily took this for us:

Here are some shots from this past weekend....as you can see, he is as big as my torso now! I can only guess that he must weight 14+ pounds now! He really likes that dragon book. It's just big pictures of dragon faces with googly eyes. He smiles at them all.

And we had our regular, every third year or so snow this past weekend. This was an odd one in that it actually snowed during the day and stuck to the ground...for about 24 hours. Luckily, my friend Liz was in town, and she got to enjoy it with us:

We kept X inside since he can't really play in it anyway. We figured why expose him, right!

So.....so far, so good with being back at work and X being in school. As you can see below, he's already bringing art home for us! (I stole this and hung it in my cube at work...Simon can have the next one...maybe!)

11 weeks update

Well....with just one week left on my maternity leave, I can safely say: "Everyone was right!" ...about everything. All the cliches are true...."it's the hardest job you'll ever love"; "just when you think it can't get any better, it does", and the list goes on and on.

Xander and I have had a great 11 weeks together at home. We were blessed to have Simon and many other family members with us for much of the time too. Next week, we begin our transition into daycare. One day I'll stay and watch his 'classroom' while he hangs out and meets his 'teacher.' Then one day I'll actually leave him there for a couple of hours. The hope is that it'll make d-day less stressful for me. I'm quite she he'll be fine!

We spent last weekend in Kansas City with some good friends. He barely noticed when I wasn't around. Of course Auntie Julie and Anne are pros at babies, but still....you'd hope your kid might give a whimper when you've been gone for a while. Julie got some good one-on-one time with him to share the ways of the world as seen here:

Then he got to hang out with Lincoln, who is two weeks younger. X shared some insights as to what the next two weeks have to offer. Here they are chatting it up:

Lori, Grandma Nadine and I finally got around to finishing up his letters for his room. I got uber crafty and actually put some hanging thingys on the back of them this week and hung them up. I think they look pretty darn good:

SO - the big return to work will be bitter sweet in a week. I am excited to get back into the groove of working but sad to miss the sweet moments with X at home. Some of my favorite times with him are just as he's waking from a good nap...as seen here:

After a good 10 minute stretching session (don't we all need those in the mornings?), he's super happy and chills with me for a while...before he realizes he's hungry:

At 11 weeks, he's still coooing often...and even a bit on cue now....and he's holding his head up longer. He seems to hate the carseat less...and may even enjoy it at times. He's getting on a more regular schedule of eating, playing and napping. He seems to be able to see and focus in on things better and better each day. He smiles often and even laughs here and there. I guess it won't be long until he's trying to sit up by himself....geeze Louise!

Videos - happy baby

This morning X was in a good mood....just hanging out in his crib. I could hardly believe it. I turned on the Baby Einstein music thingy and started talking to him, and he started cooing and smiling. So I busted out one of his stuffed animals and tried to capture it. Obviously it's better in person, but this video does a decent job of showing off some of his new tricks. I'm still working on getting a peek-a-boo video....his cutest trick these days by far!

8 week update....almost

We are not technically up to 8 weeks yet, but I figured we are close enough to call it that!

XYZ is doing great, and I am still enjoying my time at home with him. Though, I must admit, some days are harder than others. I have to hand it to full-time stay-at-home moms....babies are a lot of work. They say 'it takes a village,' and man are they right!

Just Monday I woke up with a stomach bug. It wasn't terrible, and I probably could have survived the day alone, but Simon decided to just stay home with me instead. Man, what a lifesaver (aka - stress reliever!) Just having the extra hands around to hold X definitely helped me feel better.

Over the past couple of weeks we have:

• started to smile
• started to look at people/things more directly
• almost rolled over
• eaten an enormous amount :)
• slept for a couple of 5-6 hour stretches
• had some longer stretches of happy awake time

We have our 8-week check up next week, and I am curious to see how much he weighs. I hopped on the scale with him last week, and I guesstimate he's 13 something. Ca-razy!

We are headed to the beach this weekend to visit with Nanny one last time before I head back to work....for which I have mixed emotions. As one mom told me: 'you have to come back to work in order to rest.' I can believe that. I'm already fantasizing about going to the pumping room and just napping! 

Luckily his daycare is going to let us bring him in the week before I head back to work and do a couple of test runs with him. I will definitely take them up on this offer. They've already called twice just to check in on him (and I'm sure to make sure we're still coming), but so far, they all seem very sweet, so hopefully I won't have too much anxiety when I have to leave him there all day that first week.

Some photos from since our last update:

One of Simon's favorites: Alphabet Man...saving the world from bad spelling

 A gift from Allie to her 'Sweetie'

I think it's a real smile....

Our 1/2 Canadian snuggler...

6 Week Update

Well, we are six weeks into life with XYZ and still alive and well! Xander is getting bigger and bigger. I can't believe some women have to go back to work at this point. I mean, I'm just now getting comfortable with him at home and looking forward to our days together, so I can't imagine having to throw a new change into our routine already. I'm blessed to work for a company that not only has to honor FMLA, but a company that also provides me with a paycheck during the majority of that time.

X has had a big week this past week. Mamina has been in town from Canada, and we've been eating like champions! We've also done our fair share of shopping, walking and visiting with friends. Today we even got to Skype with our family in Dubai!

Speaking of birthdays....we were able to get out for my birthday a few weeks back. Lori and our faux mom-in-law tag-teamed babysitting for us. We were home by 9:30, but it was fun to get out with friends for the evening. I even had 2 whole glasses of wine....while over a 4-hour period....so I didn't pass out! :)

Our Christmas was fun too. Nanny and Mamina were in town, so X was barely set down. We spent most of our celebrating at Lori's house, but we did make it to the Erwins the Sunday before. Here we are:

 

 

  

With all this help around, I've finally ventured back to the road. I've gotten a couple of good 30-minute runs under my belt, which have been refreshing. It's nice to be able to push myself a little again. I know, I know, I'm not pushing myself too hard, and I am listening to my body, but it's been nice.

 

We have the luxury of having a babysitter (Mamina) in house for New Year's, so we will take advantage of our situation and head out to a little get together Monday night for that. I think we'll be able to make it to midnight....wish us luck!

 

 

Thankful Timing

While Simon and I can't take credit for planning the timing of XYZ's birth to be at such a perfect time of year, I am especially thankful for it. Here are some things I'm thankful for:

• it's dark when I want to go to bed these days....7-8 p.m.
• it's light when I need to be awake....5-6 a.m.
• we live in the South, and even though it's only 50 degrees, if you stand in the sun, it's almost 70!
• Simon gets multiple 'free' days off with the holidays
• my mom gets several 'free' days off too
• with the new calendar year, Simon's vacation time starts over in January, so he can stay home some if I need him
• extended family has time off too

XYZ had his first road trip yesterday with the Erwin clan. We headed to Columbia to visit Grandpa Manny and his Kelley cousins. He did great in the backseat with Lily and Allie...they make good babysitters already. Note the acute need for another male int this family (that's a lot of estrogen):

X especially enjoyed hanging with his youngest cousin...she's older and wiser, so she is teaching him a lot:

Simon's mom arrived last night, and she's already got dinner cooking on the stove (it's noonish as I type this)! I've been able to sleep until 8 a.m., go to the grocery store alone, AND she and Simon are out on a walk with X right now, but I'm not even tired enough to attempt a nap...I really don't know what to do! She's here for 12 days, so I'm sure by the end of the visit I will have figured out what to do with all this free time again.